The Husband Store

Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Thought this was funny

So that's what the Big Gulp is for.

More What the Duck

World's biggest snake found dead

This is the longest snake I've ever seen - watch the video. It is as long as a house!

Don't pi$$ off the Mime

From What the Duck #801

More What the Duck

Why a Gov't option is bad for health care

In an attempt to make a point that private insurance will have no problem competing with a government run plan, the President put his foot in his mouth when he admitted that the government can't even deliver the mail efficiently.

"I mean, if you think about it," Obama told a town hall audience, "UPS and FedEx are doing just fine, right? No, they are. It's the Post Office that's always having problems." – Barack Obama (http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/21/navarrette.democrats.health/index.html)

So, what makes them think they can improve health care? They've only been delivering the mail for about 200 years and still can't do it right.

I'll be sure to shop here the next time I'm in Texas

NOT!

UPDATE - Apparently CNN doesn't keep their videos up for long. The short version is that the guy got fired for apprehending a purse snatcher because the grocery store has a policy against getting involved. Real nice - more worried about getting sued by the criminal than protecting the customer.

Shotgun Wedding Special

Was it worth it Mr. Hornet?

Sure, I inadvertantly wandered into your territory, but to be fair, you annexed the land from me without my permission. But even still, had you shown a little diplomatic restraint, we possible could have settled this peacefully. But no - you had to immediately strike with no warning. A potentially fatal shot to my ankle that has left me scarred and swollen. With the rest of you compatriots raged and ready to join the fight, you left me no choice.

I tried a surgical strike at your base of operations, but you kept coming. I knocked you out of the air one by one, and you kept coming. I laid waste to the area around your nest, and you kept coming. One by one you came, and one by one you perished. In the end, I destroyed your home, poisoned your unborn, massacred your women, and exterminated your fellow hornets. All because you chose to attack an innocent ankle with an unprovoked assault.

Attack of the viscious fawn

Thank goodness Mrs. Richardson had that shovel. I mean really, that thing could have torn her apart. There's nothing scarier than looking into the black, souless eyes of a 20 pound fawn. Watch the video.



My favorite part is where she shows the reporter how she just swished the shovel at the fawn. Sure.

Apparently it was a bad week to be an animal. Did you read about the fire fighter in Columbus, Ohio that couldn't afford to board his dogs, so he took them down into the basement and shot them with a .22. Not only that, he hung them from a pipe so he could shoot them without them trying to get away. Nice.

Yep, David P. Santuomo, decided that was his only option. I can partially sympathize with him. I mean, he had to get home to his ailing father, and with two previous bankruptcies, he couldn't afford the high rates that kennels charge...Oh wait, his father wasn't sick...no, this cheap bastard was going on a cruise. Yep, can't pay his bills, but gets to go on a cruise. That sounds about right - this is exactly the type of person who is in need of some redistributed wealth.

So, despite the ridiculous claims of a wild and rabid fawn attack, I'm going to award the BHOD award to Mr. Santuomo. Congratulations - you can expect your bronze sphincter when you get out on work release.

Now this is cool

And can you make it look like I was on the Appalachain Trail

I wonder who spent more...Elliot Spitzer for hotels and hookers or Sanford for airline tickets. Will politicians ever learn?

PING-Pong

One more reason to love Hines Ward

Hines Ward is the toughest Wide Receiver to ever play the game. He's a linebacker that can catch anything you throw at him. But I guess the NFL wants WRs like TO and Moss who talk smack and only play hard one out of five plays. How else do you explain the new Hines Ward rule? Blockers are not allowed to hit the same way a DB can attack a WR or RB? That's crazy. The media celebrates big hits by defenders - ESPN used to have a segment called Jacked Up whose sole purpose was to embarrass the offensive players who got destroyed each week by opposing defenses. But when someone like Ward delivers a "clean" block on a defender, they change the rule to make it illegal. What a joke.

I'm glad Ward is going to keep playing the way he does. It is a double standard. I give Tomlin and Steelers organization credit for standing up for him. The NFL should be rewarding players like Ward who know their role and put the team above their personal stats, not vilifying them as dirty players. I'd take one Hines Ward over three TO's any day.

Annual Bone-us

You gotta a love a job...

where both of your tasks leads ask you to play football at lunch. The field was covered in mud/water and it was awesome.

Seriously - someone thought this was a good idea?

More proof that the current administration possesses the foresight and clear thinking to lead this country out of the economic and political mess we find ourselves in. Even Senator Charles Schumer, one of the most liberal voices in the Senate, called this "outrageous and appalling". . . "knowing full well that New Yorkers would still have the memory of 9/11 sketched in their minds.". Of course he put the blame on the FAA for approving the White House request, not on the administration for even suggesting it.

You can read the article from the Chicago Tribune.

The White House did apologize for the incident, but shouldn't someone have thought this might not be a good idea? Why not let the media know they were going to do this ahead of time? The President wasn't going to be on the plane, so there could not have been a security risk.

As a photographer, there is a code we follow - "no photo is worth the risk if it poses a threat to the subject, the environment, or to someone else." No matter how dramatic a photo of Air Force One with an F-16 escort over the Statue of Liberty would be, it can not be worth even the momentary fear it would cause the people of New York.

I guess none of this should be surprising from an administration that continually downplays the threat of terrorism. We negotiate with Iran, we unofficially ban the phrase "War on Terror", and want to surrender Iraq and Afghanistan to the forces that oppose democracy and freedom.

Man am I behind with my reading

I just checked my Google reader and I have 248 unread posts - yikes! So what's the first thing I do - stop and write another post.